When I started this journey, I dreaded what might happen. I had no idea how far it would come (and it's not even got that far!)
And I still don't understand Charlotte's intentions. Why is she so keen for me to become the sissy I obviously am. From her boyfriend, to what...her girlfriend?
Well not in that way I'm sure. She's showing less interest in me as I become more feminine, at least in THAT way.
As someone rightly pointed out (Miss D - check out her excellent blog), while this started out as difficult, it seems the more Charlotte asks me to focus on women I aspire to be, the more the compulsion towards femininity takes over.
Women like the wonderful Rachel McAdams...
What started as absolute dread, fear of loss (of Charlotte) and humiliation, is still all of those things.
But it's also strangely compelling. I am caught in Charlotte's web. And I can't get out.
I look at those women. So content in their femininity. Gorgeous long hair. Beautiful bodies and faces. In skirts. In dresses. In pretty lingerie.
And although I'm afraid, I want all of those things. For me. I want to BE them.
I AM becoming them. With Charlotte's help.
And where is this leading??? Well, my fear is that it might lead here...
Charlotte, so beautiful in her wedding dress. Looking at me.
"Don't be sad honey. You know it could never happen once...well...you know...the REAL you emerged", says Charlotte.
"But, you did this to me...", I reply.
"What, made you who you really are!?"
"But..."
"Shhh honey. This is how it was meant to be. You in your gorgeous dress and shoes. Long hair looking so pretty...my bridesmaid. My pretty sissy bridesmaid."
"While you...."
"While I marry a man who can give me what I REALLY need. Stability. Masculinity. The kind of love I need. The kind of love I could never get...from a sissy..."
"But I love you Charlotte", I cry.
"And I love you too Caitlin. I will always love you. You are so dear to me. My dear sissy Caitlin. Come on, let's finish getting ready. Let's enjoy my wedding day. Just relax and enjoy being my sissy bridesmaid ... in your dreamy bridesmaid dress...let's go and join my friends".
I'm so scared of this actually happening, yet Charlotte's put me on a road that seems to have absolutely no return...
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Charlotte sent me this picture earlier, and says she sees this in my future...
I'm on my way there with the hair (just below my ears, with the slightly-off centre parting), and I'm so much more slender than I was even 6 months ago with Charlotte's help.
Here's what Charlotte wrote in her email...
"This would be a good look for you. I've found the skirt, I just need to order it. The top shouldn't be too hard to find my darling...and I have shoes just like these that we can borrow...we're on our way..."
Yes, but on our way where? I wish Charlotte would discuss this more openly with me...
I'm so scared...so humiliated by my evolving femininity...yet so compelled to be the girl I really am...where is this leading???
Caitlin has asked a quite serious question - as her femming takes a stronger hold what will become of her future with her Mistress?
ReplyDeleteNone of us have a crystal ball so we obviously can't answer the question with any certainty. In caitlin's introduction to her blog, she mentions that after years of trying to give Charlotte what she deserves (I assume that she wasn't successful or there would have been no need for changes), caitlin was given an appropriate name and is getting a new wardrobe - a feminine wardrobe. That leads the readers to wonder about a few things - was caitlin rather femme to begin with? Or was she so full of male ego that she was difficult to live with? Or is there an even more fundamental issue - a sexual issue; perhaps - caitlin just isn't capable of fully satisfying Charlotte sexually?
Only Charlotte knows the whole truth - maybe it's a combination of things... Never the less, caitlin finds herself with a growing compulsion to be more feminine and she is fearful of the future. Fearful, but drawn to it with increasing poignancy. Like a pretty new dress that reveals a little too much - you want to wear it, but you are afraid of what it says about you. That it might give the impression that you are easy. But still, you want to wear it so badly...
What advice should I give caitlin? The answer is simple - no gurl can fight her nature - it just doesn't work - not for her and not for those close to her. She belongs in the dress and she knows it. She might fight it for a time but in the end, she'll find herself putting on that dress and she'll feel pretty and sexy and she'll know just how silly she was for not wearing it sooner.
If caitlin eventually discovers that she is a bridesmaid, at least, she'll be contented and feeling pretty and at peace with her nature. Besides, she might meet a handsome man at the reception...
Miss D