Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Charlotte's Web

In answer to one of your comments, although I've never thought about it, Charlotte really IS smart.

When I started this journey, I dreaded what might happen. I had no idea how far it would come (and it's not even got that far!)

And I still don't understand Charlotte's intentions. Why is she so keen for me to become the sissy I obviously am. From her boyfriend, to what...her girlfriend?

Well not in that way I'm sure. She's showing less interest in me as I become more feminine, at least in THAT way.

As someone rightly pointed out (Miss D - check out her excellent blog), while this started out as difficult, it seems the more Charlotte asks me to focus on women I aspire to be, the more the compulsion towards femininity takes over.

Women like the wonderful Rachel McAdams...

What started as absolute dread, fear of loss (of Charlotte) and humiliation, is still all of those things.

But it's also strangely compelling. I am caught in Charlotte's web. And I can't get out.

I look at those women. So content in their femininity. Gorgeous long hair. Beautiful bodies and faces. In skirts. In dresses. In pretty lingerie.

And although I'm afraid, I want all of those things. For me. I want to BE them.

I AM becoming them. With Charlotte's help.

And where is this leading??? Well, my fear is that it might lead here...

Charlotte, so beautiful in her wedding dress. Looking at me.

"Don't be sad honey. You know it could never happen once...well...you know...the REAL you emerged", says Charlotte.

"But, you did this to me...", I reply.

"What, made you who you really are!?"


"Shhh honey. This is how it was meant to be. You in your gorgeous dress and shoes. Long hair looking so pretty...my bridesmaid. My pretty sissy bridesmaid."

"While you...."

"While I marry a man who can give me what I REALLY need. Stability. Masculinity. The kind of love I need. The kind of love I could never get...from a sissy..."

"But I love you Charlotte", I cry.

"And I love you too Caitlin. I will always love you. You are so dear to me. My dear sissy Caitlin. Come on, let's finish getting ready. Let's enjoy my wedding day. Just relax and enjoy being my sissy bridesmaid ... in your dreamy bridesmaid dress...let's go and join my friends".

I'm so scared of this actually happening, yet Charlotte's put me on a road that seems to have absolutely no return...


Charlotte sent me this picture earlier, and says she sees this in my future...

I'm on my way there with the hair (just below my ears, with the slightly-off centre parting), and I'm so much more slender than I was even 6 months ago with Charlotte's help.

Here's what Charlotte wrote in her email...

"This would be a good look for you. I've found the skirt, I just need to order it. The top shouldn't be too hard to find my darling...and I have shoes just like these that we can borrow...we're on our way..."

Yes, but on our way where? I wish Charlotte would discuss this more openly with me...

I'm so scared...so humiliated by my evolving femininity...yet so compelled to be the girl I really am...where is this leading???

Sunday, 14 February 2010


Charlotte asked me to post again on which woman I would absolutely love to be. Anyway, although I posted on this before, I just can't admire Rachel McAdams enough. I would LOVE to look like this woman. As a consequence, Charlotte is now using her as part of her inspiration for where I'm heading, in terms of styling and fashion.

Amazing woman...beautiful, intelligent, feisty, sexy and feminine. A genuine role model for people like me.

There are lots of pics, here, but every one of them is gorgeous. And I HAVE to leave you with a few quotes from Rachel that I've posted before, but I absolutely adore...Charlotte has suggested I learn to talk about my clothes this way if I'm to truly become her sissy...

"In the best dresses, you can move the way you always...I love it when a dress seems to cling to you but not in an uncomfortable way...I'm usually in a comfy sweater and a really casual skirt..."

"I felt a connection to the skirt as soon as I put it on...it's got a life of it's own..."

Soon I'll be talking this way about my wardrobe.

1. I love the dress, cardigan, shoes, hair AND the mischevious look on Rachel for this photo. It's easy to imagine dressing like this all day every day. So pretty and feminine...

2. It's all about the dress here. I mean, this is a girlie dream come true...the lace, the detail, the tulle, dancing, the heels and the smile. I can close my eyes and pretend that it's my body encased in such a delightful dress...mmmm.

3. I might have posted this one before, but I love the combo of the slightly dishevelled hear style and the smart dress. This is the kind of dress every girl would love to lounge around in. She looks beautiful.

4. Hot summer's day...pink vest top...pretty skirt...smile on my face. She looks so feminine and happy. Just gorgeous.

5. So this one is my hair inspiration. We're already working on getting it as close as possible to this. At the moment it's just beyond my ears, but Charlotte is helping me style it every day to look more like this. It frames her face perfectly.

6. The thought of messing around in the garden in a silky skirt and top...well what sissy wouldn't want this??? Once again, she looks so content.

7. Once again, I adore this dress. So fem...so cute and girlie...everything Charlotte wants me to be...

8. The ribbon details on this dress makes it for me. And the blonde hair suits her...

9. Yay for pink dresses!!! Charlotte says this is definitely my colour. I love the shoes too.

10. What's she thinking here? I like to think this is me, pressed up against the wall in my red sundress...maybe my man about to push his way behind me...imagination wanders...

11. This is possibly one of the prettiest dresses I've ever seen. Just stunning. Charlotte loves this picture and has already teased me about wearing the dress outside, perhaps for a party. I imagine wearing this in front of all Charlottes friends and some of my ex's, while I serve them drinks and they giggle and my new feminine life...

12. Such a gorgeous, feminine pose. Imagine this dress pulling on your legs as you walk, hugging your figure. You'd be sure to turn heads in this number.

13. Okay. This is definitely a date dress to me. I would love to be Rachel in this pic, perhaps waiting for a hunky date to sweep me off my feet...

14. Just hanging out in this green combo would be a dream come true. So cute. So pretty.

15. Finally, I had to throw this one in. It's so out of tune with all of the others, but Rachel wears the pleats so well. Fun, flirty, feminine...more of a holiday look...Charlotte has already started looking for a skirt just like it for me...


Simply gorgeous. Do you think the same of Rachel McAdams? If not, who would you most like to look like?